“Maggie, you can’t change people.”
“Mmhm, I’m not trying to.”
Which is a lie because, often, I am trying to.
One of my hardest lessons is letting people be who they are.
I am frustrated with this old pattern: falling for ideas and being disappointed when those ideas don’t quite turn out the way I think they should. Why is it such a challenge to accept who people show themselves to be? Why do I feel like I know what’s best for them?
When it comes to romance, is it just laziness? You’re here now, so I’ll try to shape you because it seems easier than finding someone new. Spoiler alert: this strategy does not go well, and I would highly advise against it.
Is it a lack mindset? Lack of imagination? Lack of faith? Like you’re the last known person in the universe who I could possibly date, so let me cling tirelessly to this concept. The devil you know versus the devil you don’t.
I think we all do this, in some ways. Feelings are feelings, and sometimes it’s true—we care for people who aren’t on the same page as us. And that can just be…sad.
But is it caring to hold someone to some ideal they didn’t ask to be held to? Is it caring to be angry with someone for not being who we want them to be? Or would it be more caring to let it be? To learn to accept the here and now, to learn how to discern who is on our page and who is not, to love people and let them be exactly who they are—even if that means letting them go.
Because in the end, what we all want is the same thing: to be seen, to be accepted, to be loved exactly as we are.
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