Hello and Happy Sunday from Bali,
Maybe a weekly blog was too ambitious. Consistency! Really requires effort, people. I’m working on it.
Here’s what I have been up to:
- I traveled to Australia for the first time! For three days.
- I’ve been creating a new iteration of a coaching program and I’m really excited about it.
- Urvi and I have been having many beautiful conversations on the Noticing Podcast and we are releasing new episodes this week!
- I learned to ride a motorbike. It’s fun but there’s way too much traffic in Bali for me.
- I’ve been watching season two of The Big Door Prize on Apple TV. I enjoy this show.
Musings:
There is a book titled “The Courage to Be Disliked” by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi, which is based on the teachings of psychologist Alfred Adler. The central idea of this book is that all human problems stem from interpersonal relationship problems. This notion makes me laugh because it’s true.
We can confuse acceptance as connection.
I recently deleted all my old Instagram posts from my coaching account. My feed felt infused with half-hearted shoulds. It was bothering me in such a way that I couldn’t understand at first.
Instagram was mirroring my entire attitude towards self-expression and the fears I carry around what others will think of me. It’s an annoying voice and it’s TIRED but it’s still there. Sometimes, just the thought of sharing my thoughts or beliefs stirs a panic that makes little sense to me. It’s like, why am I so scared?
“The Courage to Be Disliked” offered a lot of valuable insights around this. One of the main themes of the book is that as people, we long to feel a sense of contribution to the whole. We doubt our ability to achieve this and often look for validation or attention to feel like we matter. It’s like saying, “Hey, I’m here, I’m seen, I’m doing something.”
When we begin to understand and trust that expressing our unique selves in this world is our contribution, we move through life more freely. Please enjoy some quotes from this book and check it out if you find yourself struggling with self-acceptance and belonging.
“Being praised essentially means that one is receiving judgment from another person as ‘good.’ And the measure of what is good or bad about that act is that person’s yardstick. If receiving praise is what one is after, one will have no choice but to adapt to that person’s yardstick and put the brakes on one’s own freedom.”
“It’s that you are disliked by someone. It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.”
“One has to stand on one’s own two feet, and take one’s own steps forward with the tasks of interpersonal relations. One needs to think not, What will this person give me? but rather, What can I give to this person? That is commitment to the community.”
“Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live.”
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