I started to learn tarot when I wanted answers.
I was recently laid off (three days before my 34th birthday), half-way through a Life Coach certification program, unsure of what was next and spending my time daydreaming about a guy who lived across the world.
Will I ever see that guy again? Should I just apply to a new corporate job? How can I really start a coaching business? But really, will I ever see that guy again?
I had no idea how to navigate life from here and I wanted help…(ahem answers!)
So I asked the cards.
Most of my energy was focused on Across the World guy. I started there.
Question: What is the likely outcome of this relationship?
Answer: Two of Cups
Ohhh this looks promising! And It showed up repeatedly. So, it’s a yes? Great. I will invest more time and energy into daydreaming about the possibilities of a relationship with Across the World Guy. This included asking him to come to America and sharing that I had feelings for him…which did naht go the way I anticipated.
Cool cool, so these cards are just telling me what I want to hear?
I found Lindsay Mack’s Rewilding The Tarot course around this time. Here, she notes the Two of Cups is about:
…cultivating the courage to turn toward those parts of ourselves that feel so challenging to love, maybe so challenging to have compassion for…two of cups is all about the self, never involves another person ever…
Did I think parts of me were hard to love? I thought I healed this wound! I was becoming a Life Coach for ghadsakes!
This frustrated me. But beneath my confusion was a quiet knowing.
Your favorite pastimes of daydreaming to escape yourself and seeking external validation are here! Say hello!
WHY do I do this!
I had developed a recent love for the practice of journaling through coaching and learning tarot. In a long morning session, Lindsay’s words came back to me “cultivating the courage to turn toward those parts of ourselves that feel so challenging to love…”
With all the inner work I’d done, I still disliked the part of myself that wanted approval and dreamy, romance movie type love. And I judged this part HARSHLY. “You’re so lame , stop caring so much, this is borderline embarrassing…” Embarrassing to who? I wasn’t quite sure…but instead of getting to know this dreamer in me, I always cast her aside, assuming she was a flaw, a hard part to love.
While Across the World guy wasn’t a long term match, he was a catalyst for a great lesson. He was someone who held space for those parts of me when I wasn’t able to hold them myself. I obsessed over the relationship because I wanted him to keep telling me that those parts were okay.
The Two of Cups reminded me I didn’t need him for that.
Tarot continues to guide me inward, pushing me towards love and my highest and best potential. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s a worthwhile one. And it is always about you.