I’ve been single for quite some time, and people inevitably suggest dating apps. To which I politely and kindly respond:
Get f*cked.
Just kidding. (Kind of.)
Maybe I should just take a page out of my two-year-old niece’s book and start growling at people.
Anyway.
I saw that Yung Pueblo recently created an app called Ready and thought—oh, cool. This seems aligned and well-intentioned.
But the questions!
What I hoped would be a softer, more mindful space brought up the same reasons I don’t like online dating.
I don’t really have “non-negotiables.”
Are you decent? Do we have chemistry?
An app can’t tell me that.
Because you might think you’re decent…
I’ve realized my expectation is simple: you meet, and you vibe—or you don’t. I don’t understand the dating rulebook. And honestly, anything I put on there feels misleading. How am I supposed to translate my essence into three questions?
I ebb and flow, babe. What I like today, I might not like tomorrow. Is anyone truly set in stone on their preferences? And if you are… I don’t think I want to date you.
But here’s what I came up with anyway. Total catch, right?
My essence in three emojis: 🌊🌀🫠
Age: Timeless but tired…or 37
Location: Somewhere between “maybe I’ll move to Providence” and “still living with my dad”
Profile Bio:
Spiritually 86, emotionally chaotic but good.
Looking for someone I can sit in silence with, but who will also tell me to book the trip.
Not interested in people who say “work hard, play hard” unironically.
Non-Negotiables:
Be decent.
Don’t make me explain what “decent” means.
But also… there’s no one on Ready within a 200-mile radius. So. I tried.
