I’ve been single for quite some time, and people inevitably suggest dating apps.
To which I politely and kindly respond:
Get f*cked.
Just kidding. (Kind of.)
Maybe I should take a page out of my two-year-old niece’s book and start growling at people instead.
Anyway.
I saw Yung Pueblo recently launched a dating app called Ready and thought—oh, interesting. This seems soft and self-aware. Maybe this one won’t make me want to peel my skin off.
But then… the questions.
SO many questions.
What are you looking for?
Who are you in three words?
Are you committed to your growth?
I don’t know, man. Are you?
It feels like dating apps are built for professional daters—people who have systems and strategies and take courses on “manifesting their soulmate.” And if that’s your thing, no shade. I’m just not sure it’s mine.
No matter how many times I circle back, I don’t feel excited by dating.
And I know that gets pushback.
“Well, if you want to meet someone…”
Yeah. Okay. But do I want to meet someone? Or do you want me to meet someone so you can rest easy knowing I’m not wandering the earth untethered?
There’s still this weird social reflex that assumes a single woman in her late thirties must be sad.
That assumption alone makes me want to stay single forever just to prove a point.
Happiness ≠ relationship status.
BUT.
In the spirit of playing along…
Here’s my dating profile. Send it around.
Name: Maggie
Age: Time is fake
Location: Emotionally in a cave, physically at my dad’s house, spiritually under the sea
About Me:
Currently in my “just vibing, don’t ask too many questions” era.
Enjoys silence, sarcasm, and abandoning carts on Airbnb.
Will not go camping. Will go on a vision quest.
Sometimes I disappear mid-conversation to stare at the sky and contemplate everything. Or nothing.
Don’t worry about it.
Looking For:
Someone with a sense of humor and a decent grip on reality.
Someone who doesn’t need small talk explained to them.
Someone who knows how to leave people alone and show up.
Basically: read the room, bring snacks, be kind.
Serious inquiries only. Just kidding. Kind of.
